Monitoring

When I was monitoring school counseling programs all over the state, my personal goal was never to leave a counselor discouraged. God knows there are enough discouragements already. There were a couple exceptions. One was fired (for leaving medications unattended in open cups) and the other refused to go quietly so they had to grease him on out. When Julia came to work with me, I tried to teach the same process to her.

A new, young Health Department monitor came yesterday to check us out. Our Health Department rating dropped from the 90s to 74. Part of that is due to the fact that she is new and sticking to the guidelines. The other part is due to negligence here. I am sure they will recover and fix the problems – for a while.

Elsewhere, I always lock my door at night. I can’t think of anything worse than being attacked in the middle of the night by some estrogen-crazed biddy.

AsA
================================================================
I stand corrected.
It is always good to understand something new. I’m going to have to study this estrogen issue.
================================================================
Sue wrote:
You mean some of the biddies there still have estrogen?
Maybe you should fear the estrogen depleted ones. Especially if they are armed. ;)

Sue
God bless everyone. No exceptions.
=================================================================
Wanda wrote:
Asa, I'm sure you don't remember me, but you were certainly an encouragement to me when you evaluated the counseling program at my school. Also, believe me, the women not on estrogen are the dangerous ones! I enjoy your stories. God bless! Wanda
==================================================================
Chris asked:
90s to 74...That seems to be significant...Is the difference apparent or is it just the new grader??? Perhaps the new monitor and that telling 74 will inspire improvement...I hope so for your sake and your fellow residents.

I reply: Yes, it is. My daughter stopped going to her favorite Chinese buffet because of a low 70s rating.
==================================================================
Richard wrote:
I can’t think of anything worse than being attacked in the middle of the night by some estrogen-crazed biddy.

I have no experience in this arena. None. Zip. Never been attacked by biddy, body, booty, day or night. Makes me wonder what it would be like! Could just once hurt?

"We need not worry so much about what man descends from-it's what he descends to that shames the human race."
---Mark Twain =================================================================
Nell called this morning about an article in the Huntsville Times. Someone from that area won the “Asa Sparks’ New Counselor Award” for 2006. She plans to mail me the article.

AsA

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

Righteousness

I awakened from my sleep feeling little feet walking down my fingers. I flung the invader aside, jerked on the light, and pounced out of bed. There she was crawling around looking for a hiding place. Taking my shoe, I thundered down with the sword of Lord and righteousness. Great was the mashing thereof. Madame Cockroach ascended to heaven.

By the time I found the bug spray and came back, she was gone. Even her body!

The do a good job of “Orkinization” around here, but every now and then a scout will sneak through.

Using my border patrol under the car mirror, I checked under the bed. There he was. Stephen King and his typewriter.

AsA

REMINDER: The War on Christmas begins the day after Thanksgiving.


--

Nigerian Update

My bank has begun an investigation of those crooks. The first part of the story is in my earlier blog.

I knew the scammer had sent me the name of someone else to send the ill-gotten money to. Had to dig around in my Yahoo email account to find it again. Here ‘tis: BABATUNDE LAWAL, a Yoruba from Nigeria.

When I Googled his name, I found 14,000 references to him on the web. He is a highly regarded art history professor at Virginia Commonwealth University. I doubt he knows that those crooks have stolen his good name for their scams.

I was able to find the address for his department and an organization he is an officer in, but could not find his. So, I sent this alert there.

AsA

REMINDER: The War on Christmas begins the day after Thanksgiving.

Bathing, whether you need it or not.

I grew up in a day where we took baths twice a week: Wednesday and Saturday. I always thought it was so we would smell good for Sunday school and Wednesday night prayer meeting. Fortunately, I had a more cosmopolitan roommate who taught me by example that it was important to shower daily.

In the summers, I traveled as second tenor in a college quartet. We had a chaperone (oops, preacher who should have gone to college) who traveled with us. We always looked forward to his weekly Saturday night baths – especially on Friday. He thought that baths drained the strength out of a person. Well, it surely helped with his limburgerish odor.

When I was the principal of an alternative school, we had a boy the kids called “Big Smelly Larry”. I bought some air freshener for the teachers to use when he left the room. It did not take long, for some of the students to snitch the can and spray all around Larry. “Let us spray” was their mantra. When I counseled Larry, I learned that his home did not have hot water and that it was almost impossible for him to get out of a tub.

Now, I live where I regularly sense the walnut smell of unwashed bodies – especially on the elevator. Although they do not like it, the managers talk with the offenders as needed.

BTW, I found the lip-slicked dirty cup and dried food fork they have been looking for. That is what happens when you use sawdust instead of a real detergent.

AsA

REMINDER: The War on Christmas begins the day after Thanksgiving.

[Thank you, Lois, for sharing this story. I hope we hear more about Harry.]

All About Harry

There is a little old cantankerous man that moved into Geezerville. Harry is a short, thin man with a full head of silver hair and for the most part, is still quite mobile. He drives an ancient “boulevard barge”. Mostly, it looks like the remnants of some sort of Mercury. The black paint job is faded and blotchy, there are scrapes up and down the sides, and a few dimples added to the bumpers. The front end is soooo long; it smashes into the hedge when it finally comes to a full and complete stop. Poor hedge is now pretty beat up, all mangled and bare at the end of his parking space.

One day, I was driving north when I could not believe my eyes, there was Harry’s car in front of me. Had to be ~, there certainly couldn’t be another like it in this neck of the woods. The huge hunk of machinery was floating in and out of its lane, yet I had to give Harry credit…. Although he was driving slowly, he was at least driving somewhat close to the posted speed limit. There were other cars around him that managed to get past him and I decided to speed up and get out of harms way, too. I admit I was white knuckled for the next few minutes. You know, since then, I still see Harry’s car come and go from the parking lot, but it is “docked” more and more these days which is a good thing.

Sad to report that earlier this year, Harry’s wife passed away and Harry became the sole caretaker of her scrappy little dog I refer to as “Snarly”. I have personally encountered the little beast on a few occasions and it is yappy critter.

It wasn’t long before the other residents came to resent Harry. Harry does at least walk Snarly several times a day, but he wasn’t picking up after it (you know what I mean). And, when Harry would leave his apartment, Snarly would bark incessantly. The ladies who live in his end of the building asked the managers to get rid of him or the dog (or both). Of course, that didn’t happen, but the manager must have told him to pick up after Snarly as that is no longer an issue.

Well, last week Harry was strolling down the corridor to lunch and just before he entered the dining room, his pants fell down to his ankles. At that very moment, Ruby opened her apartment door. Now, you can just imagine the expression on her face when she saw that sight!

It gets better (or worse, depending on how you look at it). Harry then bent over to pick up his pants when he let out a really loud accidental fart. Well, needless to say, Ruby was HORRIFIED! (Since older folks don’t tend to hear very well, I can only wonder just how loud it really was.)

After lunch, Ruby was still fuming and so she went to the manager’s office to complain and ask that they eject Harry from the place. I would love to have listened to Ruby tell the managers what happened. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have been able to keep a straight face.

As of now, Harry is still living there. And, there will, no doubt, be more to this story …

Scams

Out of the blue, I received from Hellen_Jane9 an instant message on Yahoo asking if I was interested in making some “easy” money. Of course, doesn’t everybody? I decided to enter a dialog with this “company” in England. The deal was that I would accept payment for high-end luggage, deposit the checks, keep $300.00 and send the balance to Kenny Johnson in Manchester, England. This is a direct quote:

hellen_jane9: I am Hellen Jane 30 yrs, the Deputy Personnal Manager of rose-household Manufacturing Company in Accrington, UK.

hellen_jane9: We are looking for a representatives who is based in United States, Someone who his Faithful and Honest who will be helping us recieving payments from our customers based in the states. We are willing to pay $300 per every payment you recieve from our clients on our behalf and you can still keep ur regular job while you work as it wouldn't affect your present state of job.

I did not correct the spellings and typos.

The dialogue continued for the next three weeks and would intensify every Friday. They were to arrive by FedEx on Friday afternoon and I was to hustle right down to my bank, deposit the checks (4 @ $950 ea = $3800). Then I was to hurry over to Western Union and send the $3500 via Western Union. The FedEx was supposed to come from Wisconsin, but it came from Georgia. For some reason, she did not follow through for a couple weeks, but would contact me on Monday and resume the dance.

There is no Kenny Johnson Company in Manchester, England. There are several Kenny Johnsons: a musician, an athlete, a confectioner, a disc jockey, a race car driver, a cyclist, a wrestler, and a rapist.

My guess is the rapist.

The checks arrived Friday afternoon right on schedule. I gave the excuse the bank had held them up. First thing this morning I went to my bank to verify the Wal-Mart Bankgrams. Surely enough, the checks were good --- when they were cashed for different amounts. They are very good forgeries.

I may be dumb, but I ain’t stupid. Besides, she is not all that pretty. Also, she seems to have to have some posture malfunctions.

What did I accomplish? I had fun. They lost their forged checks. They spent good money for FedEx. Case closed.

AsA
http://LifeInGeezerville.blogspot.com

Support the Dirty Air Act now while you can still breathe.

Grandchildren

Grandchildren bring life to Geezerville. So do children, great-grandchildren, and great-greats. One of my favorite couples comes regularly to have lunch with their blind auntie. There is a constant stream of family members through these halls. The extended nuclear family is alive and well for most of the residents. After a while, one learns who belongs with whom.

Of course, grandchildren bring excitement. Every apartment has emergency pull-cords in the bathroom and the bedroom. The first time kids explore an apartment, they try all of the switches and the pull-cords. In less than five minutes they get to meet the Manager of the Day.

And there is another side. When diapered infants are on the elevator, it is difficult to smell them apart from one of the residents.

AsA

My mind contains many good ideas, but it is not always easy to squeeze one out.

Fire Down the Hall

Tad went off and left a Styrofoam cup on a hot plate. The alarm rang in the office and fire department station.

Jim, the hustler, hustled up to the apartment four doors away from mine, extinguished the fire while suffering a burn on his hand, called the fire department and turned their horses around.

I had no idea of the excitement around until a neighbor told me. However, I could have sworn that the odor in the elevator lobby was just like melted Styrofoam.

One of the good things about Sunday is the foxy young women about my age who come in to see their mothers and mothers-in-law.

AsA

My Counseling Motto: Live and help live.

Connie

My good friend, Connie, came through town and arrived at almost lunch time. Connie owns her own concierge business and has recently started marketing gel candles. We decided to enjoy the chopped steak and baked potato in the dining room here. Last to arrive, we looked around for a table with two seats available.

I had decided before hand that, if possible, we would sit with Miz "I-Am-Better-Than-All-of-You". Thought it would be fun to put a kink in her Yankee genes/jeans. Unfortunately, that table was too full.

We breezed on down to the table next to the throne of power, the manager's table. It was quite fun to watch all of the folks twist, turn, and peer around to see who was the young (comparatively) middle-aged Fox I had brought in. Even the co-managers came by to say, "Hello". Connie honored me with her very own temporary personal summer. When we left 75.5 pairs of eyeballs escorted us.

PS: Connie is a beautiful African-American

AsA

TOO POOR TO VOTE REPUBLICAN

================================================================================From: "Alicia"

Ooooohhhh, I can feel the daggers now! but isn't it wonderful to have a kaleidoscope of friends? It’s so funny to watch narrow-minded southerners!

My daughter has "rainbow" friends at her boarding school -- girls and guys of all sorts of hues hang out together. Whenever I visit, I never know who or what colors are going to dinner or other events with us . . . and that's what they like most about me . . . I see them as just young people with common interests and goals. I've gotten some very strange looks at times, I'll have to admit, but we take it all in good humor . . . especially when the waiters nearly pass out when I'm called mom by a Hispanic, a black and a white child. In addition, to really get under their skin, we'll order the sampler appetizer . . . that always gets the wait staff!

People can be peculiar, but I always turn it around and make it their problem. It makes it all worthwhile when the kids say, "you go, mom!"

You know it seems so odd for you to be in a retirement home . . . you are so energetic and "full of it" . . . I guess that's the very last place I ever thought of you being. I'm glad you're continuing your active lifestyle and not slowing down altogether. Keep on gittin' it!

Helen Escaped

The call came in just after I had laid down for the night.

"How are you sleeping?"

"On my side." Then, I woke up enough to realize the question was, "Are you sleeping?"

"No. I'm fine."

"Helen has escaped and Elsie is in a panic. Can you help look for her?"

I caught the elevator and checked the lobby of every floor on the way down.

Jim was watching the only unalarmed unlocked door. All the others are alarmed at night. Elsie was out searching the grounds and I took over the lobby watch.

Another staff member began the floor searches where the serious Alzheimer's clients live. They found her on seven. She had left her apartment and set off the alarms while Elsie was vacuuming at the other end of the floor. Then, she went up to the 7th floor.

Helen said, "I hid from them." She may have Alzheimer's, but some times she knows exactly what she is doing.

Never a dull night in Geezerville.

AsA

Stop lights timed for 35 mph are also timed For 70 mph.

KITTY

Sometimes I am blown away by the quality of life some of us have experienced. Carrying her Bible, she comes from an outside Bible study to lunch daily. She is not at all how I envisioned her as a good woman and a housewife.

Kitty graduated as the Valedictorian from her high school in Smalltown, TN. She received the Founding Honors Medal when she graduated as a nurse from Vanderbilt U. Her deceased husband was an MD who specialized in treating TB patients. He selected that specialty because he had been attacked by tuberculosis.

They had two children. One son is an architect and her granddaughter works on Wall Street. The older son died in the Air Florida plane crash.

A lifelong Presbyterian she is also an avid sports buff: Marshall U, Vanderbilt U, and the Braves.
She and her husband watched Geezerville being built from their nearby apartment. They decided, then, to move in someday. So, here she is.

AsA

The U.S. economy added 3 million jobs in October, most of them in the field of negative ad production.

Crime

He came to the door of the apartment-bound lady and said he needed to check the water pipes. While there he managed to steal her credit card. Within hours, she reported the theft to the manager. NOTHING HAPPENED.

The next day, it was reported to one of the co-managers. He discounted the report saying, "Aw, she just forgot where she put it." Once again, NOTHING HAPPENED.

Then, why did the bank call and ask about $3,000 in charges at K-Mart.
And why did a pawn shop call to verify to the card of the apartment-bound resident? Hopefully, they identified the thief with surveillance cameras at those stores.

I may have stumbled on a source of the discontent in this retirement village. I spent my entire career working with people in business, education, and religion. Along the way I worked with professional malcontents. Spent many hours sympathetically listening to unhappy professional counselors and felt their pain. Even co-worked with one who had a Ph.D. in PE/Rabble-Rousing/and Personal Kingdom Building. But, nothing prepared me for the on-going hostility here. Some residents will not speak to certain staff members and some staff members return the favor.

Granted some residents are only happy when they are complaining. On the other hand, the general belief is that anything a resident says is discounted because they are "old". A common statement is that it does no good to offer suggestions or complaints because they are ignored. Other common occurrences include not passing on messages and forgetting promised tasks. I wonder if staff is ever given any training in dealing with the aged and infirm.

This leads to some thoughts for my readers who have parents with Alzheimer's and for counselors who work with geriatric clients:

a.. Sometimes the elderly forget.
b.. Sometimes the elderly get confused.
c.. And, sometimes the elderly get everything just right.

AsA

In addition to my blog, I send my little essays to a personal mailing list. If you would like to subscribe, write me at asasparks@bellsouth.net. To my surprise, this one generated a number of replies and an explanation from management.

Crime (an update)

----- Original Message -----
From: Christine

How are you coping?

My reply: I am coping very well. I like it here. I am not one of those who plans to pack and run as soon as a new facility is built. My daughter is just two miles away. I will stay here until her husband finishes his work in Iraq.

Life is relaxed and unhurried.

Besides, I am having too much fun being the self-appointed ombudsman for the ignored and discounted. Many of the opinions I report are not my own. Since most of my elders seem to have hearing problems and I pick up snatches of conversation three and four tables away. Did not even have to buy a Whisper2000. Plus, the elevators are almost always filled with comments if none of the managers are on board. Most of the time I like the meals.

In general, the management and I get along - especially since the mishandled attempt at confrontation. The manager does an excellent job of raising profits for the corporation. AsA

----- Original Message -----
From: Sheila

Very good insight. I believe this is one of your best pieces. Sheila

My reply: Thank you and I am glad I found out more on the story. If I had not written it and received an explanation, I would not have been able to explain to some of the residents who were "upsot".

----- Original Message -----
From: Olivia

A little consumer education for the credit card holders in your building would be in order, but don’t rely on management to do it. When a card is missing, call the credit card company or the bank that issued it immediately. Most cards have a special number for lost or stolen cards on the back of the card or on the monthly statement. (I’ve lost a few and had a few stolen.)

The goal of Geezerville’s top management is the bottom line, not your or anyone else’s happiness or well-being. You and the other residents there can complain all you want to, but don’t expect anything to change. To expect more is setting yourself up to be disappointed. It’s as good as it’s going to get there.

I don’t think this type of caretaker environment works for people as healthy as you are, but what do I know. Can you live with it? If so, reframe the experience and make peace with where you are.

I’ve had anxious moments here, wondering about my future and will I ever be able to retire and where will I retire. I am incredibly busy and have at least 3 big projects right now. I’m getting to use the web skills I have been learning and am valued for who I am and what I know (or don’t know).

My reply: I agree that the caretaker environment is not the ideal for me, but I cannot think of any better choice. Making the retirement decision is big for many people. Personally, I seem to see it as a foretaste of Heaven.

From: Margaret

Thank you. Sometimes I forget that the elderly can be/are right. Of course, when I don't listen to my mother, I end up paying. Meg

My reply: One of the surprises in writing my little essays is how many readers have elderly parents and appreciate the comments.

----- Original Message -----
From: Linda

Well-said. My mother, who will be 89 in December and who still lives alone in her home, gets so angry at the way some people dismiss her, talk down to her, or try to take advantage of her. Mama's response is usually to bestow upon them a good cussin'. Apparently, the "silent treatment" is not an option with her. She was an independent businesswoman in the forties and fifties, before women's liberation. She does get confused at times...but so do I. When she is visiting us, she reminds me of things I might forget otherwise.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

----- Original Message -----
From: Beth

Excellent!!!!!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Melody wrote a gracious explanation of the crime situation.

----- Original Message -----
From: Melody

Asa,

The rest of the story... The apartment bound woman has a caregiver who takes care of her. When she reported the purse stolen, she was told to call the police and make a report. (Management can't do this only the victim) Unfortunately, the police took a week in getting back with her. They don't consider this kind of crime a priority. Banks will follow through if it's check fraud over $3000.00, but credit cards just cover them in insurance and don't pursue the theft.

Geezerville has actually assisted the police, or I should say investigators for the FBI, in catching check thefts but we never know the outcome in most cases.

About 7 out of every 10 reports to management are misplaced items. Every time something is reported stolen, it is documented and usually a member of the Management team goes upstairs and looks though the apartment. I found stolen slippers with support checks in them last week along with a hand made tissue box with blue birds on it. However, I didn't find the diamond watch she reported missing or the one piece underwear she had hanging on a hanger. I found six other pairs but they were not the right one.

Probably 3 out of the ten residents have had something stolen from them but there are other agencies in and out of their apartments daily, home health, care consultants, family members and yes, housekeepers. They are all welcomed into apartments even though they may have opportunity to steal. Now days you have to catch a thief red handed or suffer consequences of false accusations if you are wrong.

Most items reported stolen at Geezerville are:
Clothes, including underwear, jewelry, mostly costume but some real, quilts, purses, check books, cash and credit cards (but if you get a purse you got it all) Oh, and toothbrushes, yes, three were stolen last week along with a hearing aid.

Most items are found in hiding places so good that the resident forgot where it was. The dishwasher is a good hiding place along with the oven. Found one purse. A bit charred.

Most persons accused of taking items: Housekeepers and management team

It's a no win for us all. The old saying you can't take it with you is true, so give it away before you become a victim in the senior world. Or just say, "I'm naked and you can't come in". :-)

Mel
Geezerville East
Gracious Retirement Living


My reply: Molly Moocher and I would say, "I'm “nekkid” and please come in."

AsA

How many counselors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One, but it takes five sessions.
...and insurance only pays for three.

Cheating at Bingo

Paw is known as one of the rudest men in Geezerville. He does not want women to push floor buttons on the elevator. They might get it wrong! He works the find-a-word puzzles at meals using a ruler and proceeding in a methodical left-brain fashion. It helps him avoid conversation. At night he sits with Barbie who does not like company either. At lunch he moves from front to back or vice versa so that he can always be one of the first served. First service begins in the front on even days and in the back on odd. Geena, Xuby and their group are always upset on the first of many months since the back gets served first two days in a row. But, I digress.

The sad part is that his reputation was of being a very considerate man before his wife entered the nursing home.

It is against the rules for anyone to keep their "lucky" bingo card. He steals his "lucky" bingo cards and hides them in his little black bag. Charley has caught him twice and promised to lower the boom if he does it again!

He was warned several times. It is against the rules to steal the Bingo cards. Still he does. Tonight, they caught him with 10 stolen cards in his sack.

Two of the alleged ladies were also caught.

Never a dull moment.

AsA

I used to think it was a silly affectation to drink different wines from different style glasses, but I have finally become a convert. I now definitely prefer drinking hearty, macho reds from my Spiderman glass and lighter, fruity whites from Sponge Bob.

TONY

Surprising new word was that Tony and his wife were leaving so he could get in a Veterans Home in Washington. And, if they can't get in they'll go to Ireland for a visit.

The next day Tony was back sans wife. The gossip is that she disappeared while they were in the Washington airport. It may or may not be related, but the police came.

The next story was that she disappeared at the Nashville airport. And that Tony was in the hospital.

The tragedy is that he has Alz and she has Heimers.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Update. Police here again today. Tony is here for meals. Says that wife will be back tomorrow.

In the meantime, gossip is that he bumped her off. Folks will be most disappointed if she shows up.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Update 2 No Tony, no wife.

Update 3. Both are back. She is wearing a support sock on her right leg.

Conspiracy theorists worldwide are searching the grassy knoll for lingering signs of her presence.

AsA

You have to understand that the God Force -- this incredible, supreme wonderfulness that flows through all things -- doesn't infringe. It doesn't mess with people. It just allows you to be. You can be as silly as you want for as long as you want. God doesn't come up to you and say, "Listen you little twerp, get your act together here." When you're ready, the energy is there.
- Stuart Wilde, from "Infinite Self"

Physical Therapy works

My hips have been so painful for the past two years that I could not walk around a grocery store or a super-mart. At one point, they got so painful that I had to physically lift my left leg into the car.

My MD prescribed a month of physical therapy, which I recently completed. What I learned from the physical evaluation is that I had (have) a tight ass.

Each session began with electric stimulation (ES) of my hip muscles while I lay on a hot pad. The high point of the session was getting to moon my therapist twice while the ES pads were applied and removed.

This was followed by a series of stretching exercises while I was lying down. Then I sat in a chair and increasing up to two-pound weights were wrapped around my ankles for more leg lifts and stretches. I went to Junk-Mart and bought a set of ankle weights.

The world series of therapy has finished and I will miss our talks while exercising. They were about my therapist's adjustment to her new marriage and buying their new house.

I feel much better and can now walk without intense pain. I have resolved to never be a tight ass again. Well, I will try.

PS: It helped a great deal that the physical therapist is a most attractive blonde.

AsA

Why are dumb blonde jokes usually short? ...So men can understand them.

Elegant

He walked into the dining room as elegant as ever. He was dressed, as usual, in dress slacks, open-neck shirt, and sports jacket. He handled his cane as a fashion accessory rather than as a support.

I could envision him as the retired pastor of a Presbyterian Kirk. Or, with a Meerschaum Pipe, as a professor emeritus from a Presbyterian College.

How could I find out? So, I asked him. When he retired 20 years ago, he was the treasurer of a transport company.

AsA

My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely.

Cats, dogs, and catfights.

Some of the residents have pets. Cats are confined by their slaves to the personal home apartment. One new cat-fearing resident refused to move in on the fourth floor after she learned one of the apartments was rented by a couple Burmese attack felines.

Dogs are taken for walks around the building. They have to be carried when they outside of an apartment. This kind of rules out Great Danes and Siberian Huskies. Some people wheel their dog outside in walker baskets or shopping carts. It is quite disconcerting when the blind dog being carried turns his head and "looks" at me in the elevator.

I assume there are some fish and canaries around the building, but no Boa Constrictors. I wrapped a couple rubberized snakes on my balcony railing to discourage the pigeons. They also keep my housekeeper away.

Getting back to the cats, four of the commode cleaner/food servers got into a catfight the other day. Three commode cleaner/food servers quit on the spot.

AsA

Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good fantasy!

Early Thanksgiving

Usually there has been an advertisement in the newspaper for our special events. This time, it was advertised only to residents so they could invite family members and friends. Even our “hermits” came out of hiding. Among other things, the goal was to get new people to move in. I saw a few “eligibles” joining us. We have been promised an individual $1000 reward for all who sign up before November “31”. Being a stranger in a strange land, I had no candidate to invite.

Many of the residents and I worried that the mongrel horders from area senior centers would descend on our celebration. They show up at advertised lunches to stock up on their refrigerated store of food with absolutely no intention of moving in. Some of the ladies who know them personally deeply resent that when the hordes make the food run out. They did not invade this time. I was wrong to worry about that.

The meal was wonderful. Thanksgiving baked turkey, ham and yam, and all the trimmings. The utensils were all paper or plastic so there was no lipstick residue on the glasses. Now, that was a positive change.

AsA

Win the war on terror: Draft Congress and send them to Iraq.

Unintended Consequences

Not long ago, the manager divided some one-bedroom apartments into two studio apartments. This required significant plumbing and electrical arrangements in violation of the building codes. My guess is that he will eventually get caught. In the meantime, it brought about a significant increase in rentals and more profit for the corporation.

One of the alleged requirements, for moving in Geezerville, is personal mobility and being able to take care of oneself. The first unintended consequence is that the rent dropped below nursing home rates. So, many families enrolled "perfectly healthy" relatives who suddenly went downhill just before moving in and needed nursing care.

Another unintended consequence is the rent became comparable with Federal Subsidized Housing rates and there was a big influx of people who were more riffs and than the rest of us raffs.

Sid was one of those. He was so scruffy when he first moved in some of the fearfully paranoid ladies professed that he scared them. He slowly cleaned up well. The only thing is that it took four months of non-payment before they could get him out.

Now, that's an idea. Three months of free living. May have to try it sometime.

AsA

I have so much to do that I am going back to bed.

Nuts

Ten of us hopped on the bus yesterday for our weekly field trip to an area restaurant. It did not seem the same without our manic-depressive nut. It only took an hour for them to serve our meals after taking our orders. Some of us filled up on fruit tea and others on the muffins.

One item on the menu caught my attention. The gumbo was "seasoned to perfection". Only in Geezerville are the meals seasoned to imperfection. On checking further, if they removed the flamboyant adjectives, the menu would be much smaller.

One of our residents will soon move to another floor. She blames management for moving her on a floor where the nuts are and has complained for months she didn't belong on that floor. Should I tell her before or after the move that her new tree house has it's share of nuts in it too?
Asa

There are more than twenty angels in this world. Ten are peacefully sleeping on clouds -- Nine are playing -- And one is reading their email at this moment.

Gena

Fruity as a nutcake, Gena never has anything good to say. Ask her how she's doing and she tersely replies, "You don't want to know."

Her appearance is sloppy. She wears the same pants, socks and shoes everyday. Her tops include bits of yesterday’s meal.

She accuses everyone of stealing from her apartment. In particular, she accuses her housekeeper and members of management.

In addition, of all things, she prefers sitting by the noise of the dishwashing room at every meal. Even then, she does not clap when a server drops a full tray of dishes to the floor.

Regardless, her professional counselor daughter comes regularly to visit even though she cannot get her mother take her medications.

Love is a faithful thing.

AsA

Because I am a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The answer is always either sex, football or NOTHING. Yes, a measurable percentage of the time we are thinking about NOTHING. We have to make up something when you ask.

Halloween

As everyone's favorite pimp I joined the party. Who said old girls don't want to have fun? Halloween was a blast.

The winner of the costume contest is not a day over 90 and is a magnificent pianist. Unfortunately, we only allow her to play 5 notes at a time - for the monthly "Name That Tune".

For some strange reason, there were a number of witches wearing their Freudian slips:

Elizabeth is hard-of-seeing. Otherwise, she might not have danced with the Treat Goblin.

I especially enjoyed Scheherezade. She rides her scooter down to lunch. Walking in the room was an effort.

My hips have freed up enough that I tried my patented shuffle-dancing with the flapper as the two-person band played.

Even tried to give the dance instructor a move or two.

Life is not complete without a Hat on the Cat. There were no chairs when the Princess arrived fashionably late.

Our social director was udderly wonderful in her cow costume. She provided the treats for all the Baptists who meet and eat. The favorite Halloween Handouts were Chocolate Covered Prunes, Metamucil in a straw, and Ex-Lax Brownies.

AsA

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