Virginia

Ever since my Mom was murdered in a Florida hospital, I have been keenly aware of similar incidents. They said it was an accident. Florida law is hospital biased. It was impossible to sue those responsible.

Virginia is one of those whose life was forever changed by a medical mistake.

With the most beautiful white hair here, she sits in her wheelchair as she is rolled into the dining room by her husband for most meals. I have never seen her walk due to one of those medical "mishaps." As a table companion, she carries her part of the conversation.

Today, her husband walked around behind her wheelchair and gently tied her bib behind her neck. Then, he fondly patted her shoulder before he went back to his seat. He was not aware of his own tenderness.

Tender moments like this make living in Geezerville joy filled.

AsA

Genius. Author. Counselor. Rake. Dad. Not necessarily in that order.

It all Depends

I paid my college tuition by singing in a gospel quartet. We were all sorta-good Christian boys most of the time. At least we did not jump out of our car and steal a watermelon like the guys in another quartet.

As sorta-good Christians, we loved our women. Each of us were attracted to our own unique part of a woman: Joe loved good legs, Sonny preferred butts, Bob was a boob. I always said that the eyes were key as mirrors of the soul. I learned much later that eyes can also be sheer curtains for the soul.

Never having been a buttaholic, it took me a long time to figure the butts of Geezerville out. My conclusion is that many of the residents wear Depends.

Based on my anecdotal research, I recommend investing in Kimberly-Clark for a solid return that will not waste your money. This study has been a moving experience.

AsA

Look out! He's got a pun!

The Professor

He says he does not like his given name and wants to be called "Professor". I wonder about that. He bounced around and taught in several colleges before ending up at a northern university. That was all taken from him suddenly by a devastating stroke. One leg is virtually paralyzed but he swings it in a wide arc and manages to walk with a cane.

Prof talks at every meal about his dream of going back to teaching. I doubt he will ever make it. In addition to his physical limitations, he struggles in conversations to find the right words.

Once he was happily married, but a couple of girlfriends on the side destroyed all that years ago. His ex-wife lives in this area. Occasionally, she loads up her oxygen tank and comes to visit him. He introduces her as "his wife". She promptly corrects him.

He (Prof) lives in dreams of the past that will never be relived. This shows in occasional flashes of anger over his state in life.

Elsewhere, the resident rake made a pass at our resident local lesbian. She said it made her nauseous.

AsA

Change Your Shirt Already, Charlie Brown!

Berserk

A couple of months ago, Cleve and his mom moved in. He was here to provide physical care and assistance for her. I don't think I ever saw her, but he came to the dining room from time to time. Our resident automobile mechanic and self-appointed diagnostician determined that Cleve is a manic-depressive.

He might be right.

I sat with Cleve one time only - at breakfast. Our lay diagnostician spent the entire meal laying on Cleve a bunch of "shoulds" and "oughts" to get him out of his blue funk. Sounded like commands to me. Later, I told our amateur diagnostician I would have not handled things that way. Seems to me a counselor should wait until help was asked.

I saw Cleve several times at meals. With his head down and shoulders slumped his body language always expressed despair. He always avoided communication and tried to sit alone.

Then one day, he hit the peak of manic. Cleve broke a lamp in the apartment and knocked a hole in the wall with his fist. In the seventh floor lobby, he broke a lamp and cut himself before boarding the elevator.

When the door opened on the first floor, there were three ladies waiting.
There stood Cleve in all his birthday glory.
The first lady was mortified
The second nearly needed a mortician.
The third lady was titillated and keeps hoping the medics will bring him back.

His mother said he had never behaved that way before. Somehow, I doubt that.

AsA

Now leading the world in global warming.

The Vulture

Yesterday, I posted an old piece about Charley. The vulture seduced his need for companionship and took him for what she wanted. After Charley, she moved on to Henry who bought her many dinners and drinks.

Finally, to the relief of many of us, she moved out to “vampirize” another set of apartments. She already has a boy friend there to support her need to exploit. Unfortunately, she keeps coming back to join us on our field trips.

On the last one, she began her loud and boisterous flirtation-dance for an early-onset Alzheimer’s male. It did not seem to bother her that he is married. (His wife was at work that day.)

Several residents have suggested (to each other) that she be barred from attending our events since she is no longer a resident. Unfortunately, that ain’t going to happen.

AsA

I have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side.

Charley

In his bib overalls, Charley looked like the good old farm-boy stereotype. Somehow I doubt that. He was pretty well-fixed. He was one of those who just lets his intelligence sneak up on you. A new woman moved in and Charley was attracted to Shelly.

Shelly, a jeans-wearing man-hater, played Charley like a trout. She collected several dinners and some valuable jewelry, including a double-eagle gold necklace, before she reeled her hook back in - without Charley.

He said he moved out because of the food. I think it was probably because Shelly had left a sour taste in his mouth.

AsA
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

Gertie (not Gravel)

Gertrude was an excellent teacher in her day. Now, her mind mostly gone, she wanders the halls trying to find her way. If she sees an activity going on, Gertie asks why no one told her. She complains regularly saying "No one ever tells me anything." At times, she tries to join the group on the bus for various Monday through Friday outings. For her own safety, she is denied.

She shows up from time to time at the almost-normal dining room on the ground floor. She is then escorted to the semi-normal dining room on another floor. Her words are not taught in the English department. Randomly, she will pick up her lightweight walker and throw it at whomever has offended her. Brought back the memory of my high school Spanish teacher who would throw a chalk eraser at someone who irritated her.

The family has been discussing moving her to an assisted-living center. Gertie's daughter and Gertie got on the elevator this week. Making inane conversation, I asked, "Are you going to a ball game or something."

Gertie broke into song and we joined in as she sang every word of "Take Me Out The Ball Game". For that brief shining moment, her mind had returned.

AsA
"A true friend is someone who thinks you are a good egg even though he knows you are slightly cracked."

The loves of my life

FUBAR

In the standard FUBAR procedure, overlapping events were scheduled. Admittedly, the family who rented the formal events room flowed over without permission into the Activity Room.

Our ladies were all a-dither that the 17th Anniversary Wedding and the Name That Tune contest overlapped. Problem solved, it would just take to a few changes to make the songs suitable for both as follows:

In The Good Old (Wedding-time) Summertime
Georgia (the girl I left behind)
Shanty Town (where we first lived, but it's better now)
Old Man River (put the seat up)
Me and My Shadow (except on Girls' Night Out)
That Old Gang of Mine (still likes to watch football)
Walking My Baby Back Home (will walking make him stop crying?)
I Wonder Who's Kissing (my old girl friend) Now
When The Saints Go marching In (you will be there)
I Left My Heart in San Francisco (and found it again in you)
Your Cheating Heart (never did anything more than look)

AsA
If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

Brent

Brent is a 91-year old resident who is as thin as a trolley pole. I understand he was a long-time model railroader and his apartment was packed with models. Went over at lunch one day and gave him my last RR tie, the one with 4-4-0 steam engines on it. Later, offered to give him the current issue of Model Railroad News. He replied that he could not see well enough to read it. I had hoped to develop a new model railroading buddy to replace Bob who went away. I found a simple pre-formed, pre-painted layout at http://trainscapes.com that will fit on one of my tables. Full steam ahead under the trolley wire.

While I was gone to Arkansas, he went down grade really fast and his family put him in a nursing home.

Loss is one of the things that is dealt with here on a regular basis.


AsA

SURF like an Eagle......
to the Internet sea......

SURF like an Eagle......
let my cyberspirit carry me.....

Let's Make A Deal

One of the activities offered at Geezerville is a variety of games. Carlene, our under-appreciated social director, organizes the various activities. Since I was the first to come "in costume", I was called to "come on down" although the floor was level. Carlene helped me find the crinoline, which was much too small to go over my shoulders. It became the top of my costume. The blonde wig was perfect. I may just have to have my hair curled. I won a doodad. Should have kept the play money. I was told not every man has the moxie to dress like that.

Two of my favorite tablemates are Mary and Charlene. I sit at Mary's table at lunch some days. Charlene and I sit at the "wild and woolly table" just about every night. My grandson joined the group last night. He is much more of a gentleman than I.

Charlene, the Ringmaster, was the only other one who came in costume. She won a toy motorcycle, which was passed on to my grandson for his birthday. He was really excited about it.

Charlene and Carlene are not the same person. We all have trouble using the right name.

AsA

News Flash: Intelligence of humankind decreasing. Details at ... uh, when the little hand is on the ...

Puzzled

The daily menu's have a puzzle on the back for people to work and, thus, avoid talking with their tablemates. Our puzzle maven selects one from a puzzle magazine and includes it. Most are "Find-A-Word".

The Find-A-Word last Friday included such succulent and luscious words as arrogant, bitchy, catty, impossible, lazy, obnoxious, obstreperous, spiteful, supercilious and ungracious. I do not know the original title, but assume it was not directed at management or certain residents.

In a Lenten-type penance, our fascinating and patient puzzle maven next selected two puzzles from books of the Bible: (jumping) Jehosophat and (the story of outlet malls in) Boaz, AL. I will keep watching for the Song of Solomon. Love those pomegranates.

Yesterday's wonderfully outstanding menu was half a Cornish Game Hens, etc., with Peach Melba for dessert.

I would not be surprised if today's menu would be Lutefisk quiche and Kimchee.

AsA

Chick-fil-A is a good name for a fast-food outlet but not for O.J. Simpson's next business venture.

Zack

He is a sweet old dude. With his owl-like glass frames and his cane, he is Elderly Elegant. Zack drove by Geezerville many times from his house down the street. Never thought he would have to move in here. He had a night nurse who stayed with him.

Everything was just ducky until the police came one night and took her away. She had over-dosed him so would sleep and, then, took his car on a drunken joy ride. Along the way, she collected the right front fender of someone else’s Cadillac.

Now, he is here – and pretty content with the changes. He wanted to know if she could stay with him when she got out of jail.

Absolutely not! And, her boy-friend cannot stay either.

“But, they won’t have any place to live.”

They still cannot. You and the rest of our residents must be protected.

AsA

Land of the Free *
(* Some restrictions apply)

New Residents meeting

A welcoming reception was held for the new residents in the last six months. Better than a dozen of them came and there was a big audience. We must all be Baptists because we always show up when there is something to eat. The 7Up punch afterwards was marvelous - and a disappointment to alcoholics.

After answering some questions, the Social Director began passing the mike to each new resident so they could tell their name, apartment number, and favorite hobbies. The hobbies ranged from God to TV or reading and vinyl recordings. I wasn't sure about the first one. Does he collect gods? Maybe he super-details them.

All went well until they came to Ed. He said, "I am Ed and live in 666 and I don't like the food here." Although the Social Director could have handled it, the Manageress quickly snatched the microphone out of his hand and ended the talk portion. Poor Ed never got to tell what his hobbies were.

All hail, Ed, the new King of Problem Residents.

AsA

Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

The Queen

The Queen eased her rotund self into the Queen's chair where she could keep an eye on all her faithful citizens. She smiled as she surveyed those who should pay obeisance. Sometimes, she allowed commoners to sit at her table but it was usually her appointed cabinet.

I sat there one meal. Although the Queen is not a Pope, she was pontificating on matters spiritual. I made the mistake of thinking I should correct one of her ideas. So, I quoted a scripture that did.

The Queen said, "So you say!" and dismissed the very idea of what the Bible says. I then learned the first commandment in this “Queendom”. Thou shall not correct the Queen." I have never done so since that moment.

Before leaving, the Queen once again surveyed her semi-loyal subjects and was highly satisfied with the legend in her own mind.

AsA

"I think I'll stay home this rainy day and accept the things I can't change."

Happy Hour

Monthly, we have a happy hour - with a cocktail pianist/soloist. He plays all of the oldies, such as, "Does the Spearmint Lose It's Flavor on the Bedpost Overnight."

We were served horses doovers: deep-fried mushrooms, sausage in a biscuit, and some kind of a cheese deep-fried thingee. In addition, there were nuts and bolts for the horses.

We had virgin Bloody Marys, virgin Pina Coladas, and virgin Strawberry Daiquiris. So, around 100 reconstituted virgins and I had a great time.

The drinks raised an intriguing question. If one is born-again, are they also re-virginized?

Oh yes, I met a 64-year-old va-va-voom. Her mother has decided I am not suitable for her single daughter.

AsA

My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely.

Doozie

Easily distrac, I can still see from my ninth floor windows, the flashing lights of fire trucks at a strip center fire. The four-lane highway is closed for the time being.

Perhaps she will burn in the fires of Hell. I hope not, but Doozie is convinced she will. I do not know whether she actually lived the bad life that she claims. I do not know if she is going to Hell.
She lives on the floor that give some service to residents-in-need. And she keeps trying to escape. She wants to roll her wheelchair out into the middle of the four-lane highway in front of an oncoming car. Thus, she requires supervision 24 hours a day.

She’s got to go to an assisted living facility for full supervision. She may eventually go to Hell, but not from here.

AsA

Heaven is a blue state.

Bored meeting and field trip

Attended my first residents’ meeting. Of the (40 years x 340 working days =) 13,600 Bored meetings I have attended during my life, 13,601 was about the same. A candidate for judge gave a campaign speech. Maybe he would have done well in Iowa. To my surprise, I was asked to be the Guest Borer sometime in the future.

Went on my first Geezerville' field trip. We went to Woody's for two filet mignons for the price of one. Guess that since there was no bacon wrap, it was just a nice piece of filet. I've heard of double dating, but nine women and me? I hope they were as satisfied as I.

Sat and talked with a worker from a local mental health residential center. You know what they fight about there? "You've got my seat."

Do you know the main topic in the bored meeting yesterday at the Geezerville Residential Center? Bickering over seats in the dining room. Glad we are on par with the mentally ill.

AsA

You have to understand that the God Force -- this incredible, supreme wonderfulness that flows through all things -- doesn't infringe. It doesn't mess with people. It just allows you to be. You can be as silly as you want for as long as you want. God doesn't come up to you and say, "Listen you little twerp, get your act together here." When you're ready, the energy is there.
- Stuart Wilde, from "Infinite Self"

Cabaret

Several times each month, we go on a field trip in the Geezerville bus. One of the favorites is to visit the old folk’s matinee at the dinner theatre. Our bus included 12 women, one hag, and me. A trip this month was to go and see a Cabaret matinee in a local dinner theatre.

As I remember the movie, it involved a transvestite hangout in Berlin in the late 1930s. Initially, the characters dressed appropriately for the time period.

We were seated at 11:00 AM and unshackled our paper bag lunches. There were 137 women and 13 men in the audience. The busloads came from Senior Citizen clubs all over. I noticed one from The First Baptist Church and another from The Other Baptist Church.

The first act brought back many memories to ladies who could remember WWI and WWII. The German accents of the actors were atrocious. The director must have forgotten that the first rule of the theatre is "Enunciate, enunciate, enunciate". One of the supporting actresses was consistent in her singing: one quarter-tone flat. My favorite actress played an alto sax, and danced. The other actresses seemed to have the vacant stares of those sentenced to (heavily medicated??) rehabilitation.

The final act was something else. That act had been commandeered by the "Queer Eyes" guys wearing as little as the law would allow. This was especially notable when the lead male stripped down to suspenders to hold up his (he who rides a racehorse) strap. Numerous little old ladies received an unexpected education. I expected a prayer revival to break out among the spectators at any time.

I have only one regret. I would have liked to ride home in one of the Baptist buses.

AsA

Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

A New Adventure

Three years ago, I started a new adventure. I sold my garden home and moved into an independent living retirement community. It saved me from the stress of living alone and caring for a property. Three meals are offered each day, the only utility payment is my telephone, housekeeping service once a week, transportation for medical visits, and a plethora of ladies with whom to flirt. And so we begin. My first vignette was in my second week here.

Have yet to eat with anyone who can discuss anything outside the building. I miss my Alabama free-flowing conversations. The other night I ate supper with a man and woman who had worked for the same construction company. They argued over when this building was built. Both were right, of course. Just ask either one.

I've heard lots of complaints about people in poor health in the building. What do they expect? I think it grows out of fear that their day is coming - and they would not want to be evicted when that happens. Most of the people seem older than I by a decade. Have met a couple who are 25 years older. After every meal, the walker race to the two elevators begins. Being a faux gentleman, I usually lose.

Asked if I could sit with a couple "ladies" (?) the other night. Said they were waiting for someone. They must have gotten stood up.

Later, I rode down the elevator with them at lunch. One said she was fine and the other said she wished she were out-of-here. As I walked down the hall, I heard the grump says to the other that she hoped they could get their "table" before the pigs got there. How sad to have that kind of an attitude.

Asa, I heard about you asking a couple of ladies to sit with you. The one who said it was saved, said she got all giddy and said it was saved because she couldn't think of what else to say. She told us later that she didn't know why she said it and that she felt silly for doing so. So the ladies instead sat at the table and giggled about what a cutie you were the rest of the meal. It's nice to know that no matter what the age of a woman is she can still be made to feel like a teenager
Marsha


AsA
*grin* It makes "them" wonder!