Heroes

I was in the middle of watching Heroes and waiting for the destruction of Sylar or NYC, when there came a loud banging on my door. The last time a woman banged on my door, she was madder than a wet hen. Now, I have never seen a wet hen but I have seen a headless hen. The way that ol’ hen was running around, she was allegedly pretty mad, but seemed pretty calm when served with dumplings. So, I checked my peephole.

It was Dawn, one of the other residents. She was shielding her eyes from the light. Seems she was having a cluster headache and had a new prescription for Imitrex.

I have the one thing that every woman in a retirement community wants in a man. I can drive at night. So, we hopped in my car for a quick trip to CVS. She was back out in 6.5 minutes and I gave her a bottle of water. By the time we had driven the mile back home, she was feeling better.

Sometimes, you have to stop watching “Heroes” and try to be one.

AsA

A 2007 study by Clemson University found that the average American walks about 900 miles per year. Another study by the American Beer Institute found that Americans drink an average of 22 gallons of beer a year. That means, on average, Americans get approximately 41 miles per gallon - not bad

Gang activity

The gang sits in the lobby quietly resting their eyes (like I used to do in church before discovering my sleep apnea). Their goal there is to scare away the homeless and potential residents.

Bossy Evelyn gathered some sweet little “olds” around who are willing to follow and obey because they need companionship. What little conversation they have is ‘Alzheimer-ed’ every fifteen minutes. By and large the other residents ignore them – except in the dining room.

They have made a habit of coming in greatly late for meals. As soon as they sit down, the right arm on the puppet string from the ceiling shoots up to demand immediate coffee and dining service. The co-managers have been little aware of the angry comments and glances from other residents because of the perceived special treatment. The manager has told them not to give special treatment.

This morning they came in forty minutes late and the lady in charge told them it was too late for the cereal and juice service. They could still have the breakfast of eggs with biscuits and gravy. You would have thought the Pope had sinned. Bossy Evelyn went to the lady and the manager protesting that she was always being picked on. They stood firm. Hallelujah. The preacher’s wife tried to calm her down.

I went to the Manager’s table and told them they had done the right thing. Bossy yelled “Shut up, shut up, shut up! If I was as ugly as you I would not come out of my apartment.”

The good thing about it all is that she did not remember the next time she saw me. Kudos to the courageous managers.

AsA

The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

Four Months

Was it just four months ago (2/2/2007) that I wrote about the shower for the newly-weds. Some were concerned that he wanted to take the wealthy “wider” for all she had.

Suddenly, yes suddenly, she has sold her home and bought a duplex with him. I was in the office when he came in and demanded “her” deposit. The nuclear flash of anger when he was momentarily refused nearly blinded us.

Both have noised abroad how unhappy they are. They moved out. I fear like the proverbial snake, that when he is through with her, she won’t have a pit to hiss in.

AsA/DaD

There was a little girl, who had a little curl Right in the middle of her forehead And when she was good, she was very, very good But when she was bad, she got a fur coat, ....jewels, and a sports car......

Diogenes

Wandering through Athens with his lighted lamp in daytime, Diogenes sought for an honest man. He chose to be a beggar and public scold. I think I have found one.

Dad chose to be a scold who catalogued and warned about every sin of the 20th Century. I was shocked after I told him I was going to Las Vegas for an NASSP Conference. His only comment was, “Don’t lose all your money.” I had fully expected the usual vice-principal morality lecture.

Over the years, I have handed friends a fiver to gamble for me when they were going. It’s an American custom. I never received any winnings. Maybe it was because I did not expect any.

This week, Robert went gambling in Indiana. He and another were handed $5.00 each. Robert increased his to $10.00 on the slot machine. He increased the second fiver to $16.00. I was there when he handed $26.00 to the surprised donor. At last, an honest man.
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Elsewhere, we were reading the daily newsletter and the following conversation occurred.

Kathie: “What is ball salad?”

We all read the first two words on the back of the menu: “ball salad”. When turned over the menu item, in total, read, “Melon ball salad.”

Anonymous: “Were you thinking of sheep?”

AsA

It is hard to write funny stuff when you have the government to compete with!

Dawn

“You’ve got to meet her”, she said. “She’s under 60, real young, cute and ‘rat’ attractive.”

I met her. So far, she has not attracted any of the rats here. We talked about Geezerville. About how I prefer eating lunch at the first sitting when the food is hotter and fresher. Occasionally, it is even hot – especially the fried chicken.

She still sits in the back, second sitting, dining room. Sometimes I see her walking across the lobby in her Maidenform Cross-My-Navel Bar.

While we’re in the dining room, they’ve started using table tent menus. When I suggested that two years ago, the manager pooh-poohed me out of the office. Sometimes little seeds germinate.

AsA

Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

New chef again.

We hired a new chef last week. Magnificent qualifications. He was the “from scratch” chef on several cruise ships. I predicted he would last until Wednesday. He started today: Monday morning. As usual, the dilettantes in the kitchen refused to follow instructions. Our new chef is ready to jump ship. Seems simple to me: fire the dilettantes. They’ve done this over and over. (I lost. He made it until Tuesday.)

We had major electricity problems yesterday. Our self-appointed manager-in-charge was upset that Jim, the co-manager on duty, called NES without her permission. It was not an NES problem since electricity was flowing into the building. Now, she thinks she and off-duty spouse have to decide what to do. Seems simple to me. It is broken. Fix it. People are commenting that they will be glad when the manager gets back to bring her under control.

AsA/DaD

Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and
strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.

Stir Crazy

Days around here are pretty routine. Saturdays and Sundays, I stay in to avoid all the wild drivers and crazed shoppers.

I wake up normally between 5:00 and 6:00. Only set the alarm for Sunday morning so I can watch Chris Matthews and worship with my two wildly divergent preachers. It has been a while since I slept through a Sunday morning service at church.

Mornings start with water pills and the blood check. Usually have to eat an orange to bring it up to 100. I would eat breakfast in the dining room, but don’t like to wait until mid-morning, so I fix my own. Today I made a burrito.

The morning is spent working on Resident’s Association stuff and deleting all those can’t live without emails. The funniest emails are those offering to refinance the mortgage on my rental apartment. This morning I compiled the monthly food suggestion box report.

Lunch is almost always in the dining room. I cherish those days when my daughter takes us somewhere for lunch. It ranges from Ethiopian to Mexican. My favorite is Thai. After lunch, I check into the office for the latest info needed for the residents.

When I worked in a cubicle, I had to sit for my siesta. Here, I can lie down with my CPAP sombrero over my head. All of us who worked in cubicles in my office periodically exploded out because they were getting compression crazy.

By Wednesday, I have to get out of here and just go somewhere in my car. Tomorrow, I go to Skyline Hospital for a routine blood test. Doing my part to keep Skyline in business, I go once a week for one reason or another. I listen to novels as I drive. The current humor is “You Suck”, a novel about teen-age ingénue vampires – but it could be about hospital labs.

Those who do not have cars take our bus to major points of attraction, such as, The Dollar Tree. The bus runs three or more days a week.

What got me on this line of thinking was wondering about those who cannot get out at all. What do they do about their personal stir-crazy?

AsA

Imus Fired From Radio Show for Racist, Insensitive Remarks
Will be replaced by Howard Stern

Teeny

A couple years ago, the elevator closed on and bruised my shoulder. The elevator repairman came out and proved I was nuts or a fraud because it could not happen - ever. There have been several incidents since.

It closes regularly on Nevvy’s front walker wheel, but that is her fault. She is still reflexing to yesterday’s stimuli.

Last week, the door closed on Teeny, cut her fragile arm and caused her to bleed.

We need for the elevator repairman to return and show Teeny that she is nuts and just imagined the flowing blood.

AsA/DaD

When an old man dies, a library is lost.

Ten newbies

We have ten new residents. And I hear there are more yet to move in. They were brought here by their care-giver from another facility which was giving poor service. So far, they all have one handicap or another.

They common belief is that they are more handicapped (HA) than we are (Double HAHA). They seem to be accepting our handicaps more easily than we, as a group, are accepting their’s. We are just used to our own set of demented, crippled, manic, depressed, and abusive residents.

The whispering campaign has begun to get their care-giver thrown out while keeping them. It would help if the proprietor of the in-house care-giving services had legally clean hands.

AsA/DaD

Wrinkle therapy? How silly. My wrinkles don't hurt.

The Rose

The Rose was planted here not much longer than I. At first we dined between Cur and Mudgeon down front on the right. I moved away fairly quickly searching for positive mental food at the table. The Rose stayed where she was planted.

After a bit, she suffered a stroke and was gone for a long time. She was not the same Rose when she returned. Conversation had turned to mumbles. Her shoulders stooped; she kept her head bowed.

Last night, while we were sleeping, Rose wilted and died.

AsA/DaD

There is no such thing as arthritis of the tongue.

What coulda been

Charlene dreamed of building a first-class Geezerville to compete with our worn and broken appearance. Driving by the old Madison Hospital one day, I thought about what a wonderful possibility was there. It could be an independent living retirement/assisted living/nursing home and motel for visiting relatives under one set of connected roofs.

The owners sold it cheap to the owner of Hobby Lobby. He, in turn, gave it to Bill Gothard Ministries for a massive tax write-off. The building sat fallow for years with an empty parking lot the size of a Super Wal-Mart's.

Driving by yesterday, I saw a sign for Accelerated Christian Education. Naturally, I came home and Googled the phrase. It is Bill Gothard's baby.

"Accelerated Christian Education, which provides curricula for home schools and church-based Christian schools, has moved its corporate headquarters from Tampa, Fla., to Nashville, Tenn. The company will employ 250 people in Nashville, including 100 at the corporate headquarters and 150 to be hired at a future distribution facility.

The corporate headquarters will be staffed by 62 employees making the move from Tampa and another 38 to be hired locally. The company's headquarters will be located in the former Memorial Hospital building at 610 W. Due West Ave., in Madison.

Founded in 1970 in Garland, Texas, A.C.E. assists local churches in starting Christian schools, providing K-12 curriculum and staff training. The A.C.E. curriculum and program are used in more than 6,000 Christian schools in 138 countries providing services to more than 1 million students a year with more than 1,000 contract affiliate employees."

Even when they have all 100 employees, there will still be room for an independent living retirement/assisted living/nursing home and motel for visiting relatives under one set of connected roofs. Then, they could really minister to folks who need them. All we need is a visionary dreamer with money.

AsA/DaD
"I like Ike" for President!